Worst Movies Ever

I had my cousin's wedding this past Friday night, so we didn't have movie night. But early in the week my boyfriend and I watched a movie that I was going to use. Then I decided to switch it up a bit. The movie was so bad I decided to lump it with two other movies and make this my top three list of worst movies ever.



First I'll start with "Plan 9 From Outer Space" (1959) by Ed Wood. It's so cheesey it's amusing. Ifyou've never seen it, don't worry about it. Watch "Ed Wood" by Tim Burton instead. It explains everything and is spot on with the pokes and prods at the original movie.

Things that make this movie bad:
1. Strings. You can see the strings on everything. It's amazing.
2. Acting. Soooo cheesey.
3. Pacing. I dare say this is even slower than Alien and The Thing rolled into one.



Secondly we have "Bloodrayne: The Third Reich" (2010) from Uwe Boll. We randomly decided to turn on it on this past week (giving me the idea for this blog). Let me just say, it was the worst idea I think we have ever had. The other two movies discussed here I was warned about prior so I went in expecting something bad. This just angered me, as you will soon see.

Things that made me want to cry:
1. Acting. If you can call it that. Woooooorst acting I have ever seen in a movie. That is saying a lot. I've seen a lot of movies. I've seen a lot of bad movies. This tops them all. This movie takes place in Germany, though you wouldn't know it if they hadn't had a very tedious opening scene to show the Nazi's running rampant. No one has an accent, well one guy did ATTEMPT to do an accent but he slips in and out of it and it doesn't have any real origin. I know I say "acting" as a problem with all the movies but what made this bad was they were TRYING.
3. Lesbian sex scene. No, I'm not appalled because I'm female and blah blah blah, a hot naked girl is a hot naked girl. None here...well, she's mildly attractive but something about these scene is just cringe worthy. Seriously, it was almost painful to watch. It was a full on sex scene with full on naked women going at it. It's bad when my boyfriend was even cringing.
4. Costuming. The vampires look like a bunch of 12 year old wannabe goth mallrats that should be hanging out in an arcade. Such a mess.
5. Fight Scenes. Remember when you were a kid and you would pick up sticks and start "sword fighting" with your friends? Remember how you would aim to hit each others stick instead of actually trying to hit each other? Well apparently that's how Rayne fights. As a kid, you probably could have choreographed and performed better fight scenes.
6. Natassia Malthe. This actress has such an irritating and childish sounding voice. She moves soooo akwardly. She can't act. She's got nothing going for her.

If I don't stop myself now I will just keep on going. For those of you who don't know, Bloodrayne is a video game. I, more than most, understand that ALL VIDEO GAME BASED MOVIES ARE TERRIBLE IN THEIR OWN WAY, but this was the third movie in the series and why do people keep giving this man movie to make more terrible movies??



Lastly, every so often we decide to watch a bad movie for movie night and we take suggestions. Someone told us to watch "The Room" (2003). After sitting through it three times now, I understand why they did. Not to say I didn't get that it was hands down the worst movie ever, but I now realize why they would inflict such pain upon another person. The only good thing to come out of that movie: watching everyone elses reaction to the movie as they realize that this was a serious attempt at making a movie!!

Things that make this one my number one terrible movie of all time:
1. Hello, Goodbye? Does no one in this movie know how to enter into a room or leave a room in a coherent manner? No? Didn't think so. People just come and go as they please and it makes no sense at all.
2. Sex Scene(s?). The (s?) is because there were two sex scenes...that were the same scene. And it was traumatizing both times. The Tommy Wiseau (who is the lead actor, director, producer, and all around idiot) is not an attractive man. NOTHING about him is attractive (see above). That includes his naked body. *gag* Even thinking back on it now I think I'm going to be sick. And you are forced to watch it TWICE.
3. The football. If you ever watch this movie, you have to do it on dvd and watch the extras. Tommy Wiseau has an interview where he addresses the need for a football in just about every scene. The use of the football makes no sense at all, and his explination makes even less sense. Watch it and you will understand. You don't even need to watch the movie, just watch the interview.
4. Story? I want to believe that there was supposed to be one, but I can't figure it out. Watch the movie. Then go to newgrounds.com and play the game. Whoever made the game found a way to make the moviemake sense. Movie = garbage, game = pure genius.
5. Acting? Nope, none here.

So I would like to let you know I used IMDB to keep my names and dates straight and whatnut. All three of these movies average about a 3.1 out of 10. Just proves I'm not lying about how bad these movies are! If you ever want to make your friends cringe check out "The Room". But be forwarned, it is hands down the worst movie ever, but it makes for great conversation!